i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize