i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
