I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I love you.
Bad choice
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