Well douche your snatch and let's go!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
