haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
