Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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