omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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