he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
