yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
