We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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