All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
