she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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