you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
