she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
