Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize