So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
