What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
