You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
