She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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