Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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