saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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