My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
