Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
