It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize