OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize