Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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