3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
