I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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