last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
