so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
