watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
