I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i love accidental penises.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
