dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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