I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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