new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
