I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
