Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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