I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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