Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
