my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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