you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
