We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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