My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
