who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
