Plan B is the new Plan A
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize