bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We got so high we made milksteak
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
