sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
