Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
