she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My vagina just recognized that song.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
