And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
