gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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