OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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