I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
