Four minutes until I can fart!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
