I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
