i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
