My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you had me at cake vodka
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
