I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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