Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
