so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
