Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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