...so i touched it.
You can't motorboat a personality
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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