Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
