Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
