we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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